Our Ego is Not the Enemy—How We Can Bring it Into Balance


Publication on Elephant Journal


We do not need to get rid of ego. We need to integrate it.


Many would like us to believe that we need to rid ourselves of our ego, that ego is a bad thing.

Well, I’m here to say that many of us are actually here to learn to develop one and that instead of ridding ourselves of ego, we need to integrate it into our being.

First, let’s clarify a few things.


The ego, when out of balance and therefore not wholly integrated into our being, is the “I” who thinks it knows better when it comes to someone else’s journey. It’s the “I” who needs to be energetically pushy. It’s the “I” who thinks that domination is power. It’s the “I” who shows up looking for a fight.


This “I” wants to be right. To be heard. At all costs. To limit an experience of embodied wholeness with its unwillingness to budge from its often one-sided and narrow-minded perspective.


The ego is our drive. It’s our call to action, our brute force, and it is a beautiful thing. Like many parts of us, it can also get out of line. And this contributes to what I refer to as the unintegrated ego.


Unintegrated because of our lack of awareness. We don’t understand what it is, how it works, and what it wants. We don’t know how to recognize it in action, and then, once we do see its ways, we don’t know what to do with it.

We can bring this part of us into balance and use our ego as the necessary tool it is.

Ego loves to run the show, which can oftentimes be useful. However, if we lack awareness about what’s happening, things can easily become messy and counter-productive. Instead of allowing that to happen, we can learn to listen to our ego’s wondrous and often boisterous child-like need to create more drama than necessary.


We can let it know that we hear it, but that we aren’t always going to agree or allow the tantrums it wants to kick up.

Our unintegrated and unaware sense of ego can ruin many beautiful things with its sometimes, unruly ways, but we have the power to see and manage that differently.

The ego is actually a fascinating thing.

Some of us are still learning to develop it. Others have a strong, perhaps overly-developed ego. Some of us let it run the show. Others don’t. Most of us wouldn’t even know our ego if it knocked us over in the street, let alone understand how to be present with it.


The one thing we have in common is that we are all learning here. And our ego an important aspect of that living and learning experience.


In discussions of consciousness, we often focus a lot on issues of the soul and the heart’s expansion. But we spend little time and effort, if any, on the topic of expanding the ego into deeper embodiment.


For some, that may feel cringe-worthy. Why on earth would we want a bigger ego? Not bigger, but more expansive. More useful on an embodied journey. Better understood and utilized as an integral tool in the unfolding of our human experience.


The ego has been cast away as a “bad” part of us—something not worthy of love but condemnation. Since the ego is very much a part of us, in doing this, we reject a part of who we are, fundamentally. So, we become fragmented.

Until we see things differently, our ego will remain unintegrated, misunderstood, out of balance with the whole.


The ego, just like our inner child, need not be told it is bad or wrong.


It need not be ignored or judged harshly when it arrives, but welcomed with a curiosity that can expand our use of it and allow for us to integrate it in a way that truly serves the perfect whole that we are.


If we aren’t loving every aspect of self then we are blocking our energetic flow. And when we have kinks in the current, that’s where our magic isn’t cranked to its max. That’s where we short-circuit our connection as and with source energy.

Is there room to love the once thought unlovable part of us known as our ego? I feel there is.


I can honestly say I love my ego. She’s a serious force who doesn’t take sh*t from anyone. She helps me to see where I need to place boundaries, speak up, or—where it’s best—be silent, too.

She firmly calls me to take action and keeps me continuously evolving. We have a symbiotic relationship based on communication and trust.


It is my choice to learn how to listen to her and to discern my highest calling at all times from the information that she shares. And in moments, choosing her voice as the one that is best or deciding that it is not. And you have this choice too.

Our egos are not getting in our way.


We simply do not understand them as well as we could. In our misunderstanding, we are the ones who actually get in the way.

I, as a whole experience— the overseer of each piece of me—move willingly to facilitate and guide each part within to unite into balance. Including my ego. And you can too. Your ego may think it’s boss, but really that role belongs to you.


So, can we give our egos a break from the hate, break the “ego taboo,” and learn to celebrate their role instead?


Our ego works hard for us, not against us. If we realize this truth, we can guide it to integrate. We can allow its power to help us get that sh*t we’re here to do, done.



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