Dear Healing Hearts — This one is for you.

Publication on The Urban Howl

When the pain of heartbreak starts to subside as we move on from what created it, a new wave of air fills our lungs — we, we can breathe again! We, at that point, tend to embrace the love in the whole experience more clearly and more deeply, as we are now moving through and beyond the pain we endured.

At this point, we may also find ourselves with a pull of wanting to re-connect again to that person we experienced the heartbreak with. I feel this happens because we have found — and can now feel — the connection within our self, that was disabled during the experience.

And when we start to feel that warmth of light-ness washing over us, we tend to almost forget things that maybe we shouldn’t, or best be reminded of in these moments.

Like why it hurt so much when we were there and why we moved away. We always seem to conveniently forget that part! Or about how much work it took to get to this space now — how easy it can be to move back towards into something we want to be different than what it was. That could, and very often does, throw all our healing and forward movement way off.

Rarely ever is it a wise plan, but more a hopeful one, when we reach back after we start to feel happier, having healed enough to release that which felt so heavy.

We all need time to move through all the different stages of grieving that comes after a breakup, after any heartbreak we feel. The first stage that we get to when we can start to breathe again is a little reward, but not one saying it’s safe to go back and be around that which led us to this process in the first place.

It’s human nature to want to do this. We tend to want to reach back when we start to feel better. And in my experience, it has never once made me feel as better as my heart hoped it might.

I will just say hello — we might think. Check in with them, what harm could it do — we may think? A lot, actually.

This has fantasy-land written all over it and before we know it, the reality of them not being what we hoped for can soon turn into a reminder that they actually weren’t very good at that shit in the first place. And we will be quickly reminded that this is why we needed to move on in the first place.

Oh, yeah! Now I remember.

Remember now though, before we need the universe to remind us!

I’m all for love and making peace but for anyone reading this — please be careful with your hearts.

This is a tender area and time, in this space of initial healing, in which some can make choices that invite further pain back into their healing hearts. We can be wiser with what is going on in us, make better decisions for the heart we are mending, and continue to heal more swiftly.

Our heart and energy are sacred. And for the ones who couldn’t handle the gift of us offering these to them — do we really want to reconnect with that person, or are we just ready to fully release and love them for what they brought us?

That last part is the highest truth, but we blur the lines with our best intentions and fantasy-thinking sometimes.

We, the over-sized hearts, tend to want to love people even after they’ve hurt us, lied to us, and betrayed our very magical essence. That is all very freeing to do so internally and from a distance, but please, be wise with your energy now.

Know that the people we gave chances to who didn’t measure up, and created injury and pain inside our very essence — really need to be kept well away from the internal magic that is now healing.

Be mindful of what is really going on inside of us and know that just because we can love someone and are fully capable to forgive and understand and do our own healing — does not mean it’s wise to let them back near the very thing they proved unable to love and protect in the first place.

Keep moving forward, keep finding your balance in the experience, keep healing that oversized heart of yours, and maybe this time — yes, this time — we can learn to leave the past where it belongs.

In the past.

©Krissy VanAlstyne