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  • Krissy VanAlstyne

Want to Let Go or Be Positive? Then Stop Letting Go and Stop Being Positive.


I see the title caught your eye, and rightfully so. I mean, what is that statement all about? I’d want to know more too...

Not only because the title possibly pokes holes at existing beliefs but also because I, perhaps like many of you, was challenged for so long with what—Letting Go meant, what it looked like and I had also struggled with the concept of this continuous chatter that plagues our world of needing to—be positive. Both of which, many times, seemed illusive, if not, impossible for me.

Well, I’d like to welcome you to a possible new way of processing these two notions, a new way of being, potentially. Actually it’s an authentic way of being, however, it goes against much of what has been engrained in us for so long, pushing us away from the truth of who and what we really are. This for some could now be, a new way of being. A freer, more peaceful, whole, way of being.

You see, as we have walked through this life we’ve been unknowingly conditioned into a belief system that, with all intents and purposes, is mean to serve us. But not the whole us. Perhaps the fragmented parts of us that is looking for a quick fix that gets us to a temporary place of an eluding fulfilment or good feelings. But in all the things I’ve learned or heard about “letting go” or “being positive” none of that shit has ever worked for me.

I used to think I was doomed. I considered that perhaps I was just one of those people who would forever be left behind while the rest of the world chases a happiness in ways that I have never been able to. I recall sitting with things that were bothering me, that hit my core so deep that it forever changed me, sometimes a darkness that many just didn’t understand, not even I understood. But in it all, as I’d share bits of what I was feeling, which wasn’t positive or perhaps even like I was holding on to things, I was told so many times, to “let go” or to just “be positive”.

Sure it felt good to think I could just – let go, or just – be positive, but I knew deep down in my soul that wasn’t going to cut it.

So I rebelled. I mean, not on purpose really, I just couldn’t let go of so many different things. If something hit me deeply, it stayed there. Deep in me, and I carried it around with me wherever I went. Almost like I knew it had to be there. And for me, it did have to be there.

It had to be there until I learned why it was there, that it was a gift and how to open that gift, fully. Something I will explain soon. Add to that, there were some days, the thought that I needed to be positive or that I should be, pissed me off even more because I was not feeling that way, nor was I able to pretend, and shift what I was feeling by using the crazy ways that many people around me seemed to be able to.

Ways like—just let go. What the heck did that even mean? For many it meant not at all what it truly means. Again, I will get into that more, very soon. And—be positive! Ya, like that’s what someone who is hurting and confused or is going through a personal hell is able to do.

Not even close.

I was completely lost on how to or what it truly meant to — let go — of what wasn’t comfortable or focussing on being positive when what I was feeling or going through was far from it. And this was something that was instilled in me from many sources, as I’m sure with you too.

Like in quotes, books or by those who seemed to have found some sort of escape they needed in doing so. But it just didn’t work for me. In fact, the entire concept was absurd to me. How can we just choose to be something, then poof now we are that something?

We may be mystical magical creatures, however, this just didn’t make sense to me.

The thought was lovely, I mean sure, who wouldn’t love to escape a pending shit storm of emotional crap that now sits before us waiting to be dealt with? Well, that’s just not how it works here on earth though love. We aren’t here to escape ourselves, we are here to truly dig deeper and deeper into ourselves, and it’s inside the shit that we don’t like or want to avoid, the things we think we need to let go of or that we need to feel positive in contrast to, that contain the biggest nuggets waiting to transcend our human experience in such divine ways.

Which I have, deeply, and this is what I want to share on both topics;

First, let’s explore—“just let Go”;

What does this even mean? For some it means a way to get rid of, hide, numb or otherwise escape the feelings that are sitting inside their being. I mean we naturally do not enjoy things that hurt, feel heavy or have us feeling like we need to run. So instinctively, one could conclude the choice to, let go, a viable solution. But what does it even look like? This sought after desperation to, let go? This insistent state to get to that is repeated to us, over and over.

To some it means to quickly and as effectively as possible attempt to forget what they’re feeling or the situation that created the feeling in the first place.

So some turn to things that may have an intention of letting go, but really are just avoiding the painful feelings they do not want to face.

Perhaps making themselves so busy they have no room for the pain. Perhaps attempting to repress the pain and pretend the pain doesn’t even exist. Perhaps replacing one human with another human in efforts to layer the pain feelings with something that feels better, but guess what? None of this is letting go.

Whatever it was that caused us the need to let go, the feeling that has been created in us that we want to let go of, is still there below the surface.

Still waiting to be felt.

And felt completely.

And that my friends, is where the key to unlock this, letting go mystery, lies.

If we truly want to embrace the act of—letting go, we must first feel all of what it is that we want to let go of, so then, it can actually...

let us go!

As absurd as it may sound, the truth is, that whatever it is that has us thinking we need or want to let go, will never, ever go, unless it is felt.

We simply cannot let go, we have to feel it all the way through in order for it, to let us go.

We don’t do the letting go, it does. Whatever it is that we so desperately want to not be there.

Anything that hurts or doesn’t feel good is visiting us or has come up in us for a great reason. And, add to that, will continue to come up in us, no matter what we try in order to avoid it, if we do not embrace why it is there in the first place. It’s there to be heard. It’s asking us to listen to what it has to say.

How do we listen to it?

By feeling every last bit of it.

If we want to transcend any of that which we don’t enjoy feeling, we must feel it all the way through.

What gets us in trouble, I feel, with this whole, we need to—let go, is that right off the hop, it is implying that where we are right now, whatever it is that we feel, shouldn’t be. This creates resistance to what is and a denial to the feelings and state that has come up in us. The first thought of, “I need to let go” is felt with a deep concern that where we are, we shouldn’t be. But how can that be, when we are there? You see the messed up game our own mind is playing with us?

So here’s how I have learned, embraced and moved through the real art of—letting go. First up is the thought. “OMG, I really need to—let go”. Ok, great, now we have identified that there is something inside that is unpleasant or getting in the way, a block of sorts and that’s awesome. Now what do you do? Sit with that. Sit with the feeling that you want to let go of. What does it feel like? Probably hurts like a bugger. I mean that’s probably why you wanted to let go of it in the first place. When’s the last time that you sat with something that really frigging hurt? When’s the last time that you sat with gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, stomach twisting pain that was knocking on your being? If you’re one to avoid it, I get it, but it will always come back so I challenge you to learn how to sit with it.

Ok, so now we are sitting with the pain, which hurts like hell, I know, but it’s meant to. I promise that if you sit with it long enough, feel into it deep enough and not act out on it, or do any of the desperate things it’s asking you to do, but just sit entirely with it and feel it to the core of your being, magic will happen. There’s no time limit for this and it doesn’t always happen in just one “sit” it may be a few “lay downs” and “cry your eyes outs” but I can tell you, from my own experience, that once you have fully felt it, it will go. If it still hurts like hell, then keep feeling it. Keep honouring that it’s asking to be felt. Feel what it feels like to be fully alive. For when we feel our pain deeply, it cracks us open, it will expand our hearts, our understanding of self and will take us to a next level beyond that space.

Don’t believe me? Then you have not sat with your emotional pain long enough.

We don’t ever, ever have to let go of anything. We have to sit with it long enough to feel it, to listen to what it’s saying and when we have felt it deeply, heard its message of transformation, then it will leave.

It’s that simple. Maybe not in the act of doing, but the act of knowing, the act of transformation, it really is that simple.

Now let’s explore my experience with—“just be positive”.

We are humans who are not only meant to feel, positive. We are meant, actually we are built, to feel a huge array of feelings. I’ve heard so many people say to me—“I’m trying to be positive”, when they are feeling so incredibly not positive, and each time I cringe. Let me explain why;

When we are in states that are not positive, such as mad, upset, scared, irritated or any other form of state, and while in said states, are thinking we should be positive, again, like expressed previous about—letting go, we are creating a resistance to what is and dishonouring our own bodies need to feel the full range of emotions and feeling that we are capable of. And that we are supposed to feel.

When we are able to sit with any feeling that has come our way, no matter what it is, with no negative judgement or resistance to its presence and instead with an understanding that it is here for a purpose of being felt, of being heard (again, to hear our feelings messages, this means to feel them, entirely) and then experiencing the transformation that this process provides, we are not only releasing resistance, but in that, we will then naturally and completely release whatever it was that was visiting us. Feelings are just visitors that want to stop by and share their gift with us. The less we resist their visits, the more we welcome them in, the sooner we won’t need to get to positive, we will magically transform into it.

To recap, whenever we feel we need to—let go, or we need to—be positive, stop for a minute and sit with what it is that we are resisting because we are resisting what is and if we sit with what is, what it is that we feel needs to be shifted—instead of thinking we need to shift it— just sit with it, and it will completely shift on its own.

We will never again need to let go—just feel whatever it is that we want to let go, and it will, let us go. We will never again need to be positive—just feel whatever it is that is making us feel not positive so that we can then, effortlessly, embody positive.

©Krissy VanAlstyne

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©2015-2020 Krissy VanAlstyne. All rights reserved.

Photography - Anything Goes Photography